The Last Line of a Limerick competition was one of the highlights of the open day and attracted more than 30 entries, writes Judy Perry
Business was brisk for the Creative Writing group’s competition (photo by Robert Edmondson)
The Creative Writing group realised that watching a few U3A members sitting writing would not prove very exciting, so they decided it would be more interesting to get the rest of the U3A writing, even if it was only one line. Thus the Last Line of a Limerick competition was born.
In the weeks before Open Day, members of the group submitted a myriad of limericks starting ‘A U3A member from Dorking’, which they read aloud to each other and marked out of five. This was not a success. They say a camel is a horse designed by committee, and something similar could be said of the group’s attempt to agree on which limerick to choose. The following is a small selection of the least unsuitable:
There was a young girl in Dorking
Whose looks the chaps thought corking
But when they got near
And her voice they could hear
They found she was squawking not talking.
There was an athletic man in Dorking
Whose favourite hobby was walking
On a hot day in Spring
He stripped off everything
And found that people stood gawping
There once was a woman in Dorking
Who never ever stopped talking
Acquaintances dreaded to meet
Her anywhere in the street
So turned on their heels and went walking
There was a small policeman in Dorking
Who caught the villain he was stalking
But the man, six foot plus
And built like a bus
Knocked the fuzz out and kept on walking.
You will note, gentle reader, that none of the above even mentioned the U3A. At least the following limericks did that:
A U3A member from Dorking
Was reviled for incessantly talking
When her diatribe ceased, her voice went off-piste
And she sadly replaced it with squawking.
A U3A member from Dorking,
Interrupted the guest who was talking,
He would not desist, he was probably pissed,
So the members renamed him The Bore King.
There was a young woman from Dorking
Whose streets she was constantly walking,
Her very first client was virile and pliant,
And set the whole neighbourhood talking!
(This was my favourite, but I was told it lowered the tone.)
Eventually the following limerick was deemed possible, once the last line had been eliminated:
A U3A Member from Dorking
Was fond of long distance walking
From Aberystwyth to Wapping
He marched without stopping
(Saying it’s a forking long way to the shops).
At the Open Day, the competition proved a great talking point. Not only did more than 30 people enter the competition, several expressed an interest in joining the creative writers, with the result that a second group has now been conceived.
The standard of the last line entries was high. It’s not easy finding a word to rhyme with Dorking that isn’t walking or talking. But Dorking U3A-ers are an intrepid bunch and submitted some very innovative last lines, such as:
- when asked how he felt, he said corking!
- and what’s more he never stopped talking!
- while listening to Professor S Hawking
- he whistled and sang and, with a loud bang, exploded and lost all his shopping!
But in the end the judges unanimously declared the winning entry to be:
A U3A Member from Dorking
Was fond of long distance walking
From Aberystwyth to Wapping
He marched without stopping
In case he was thought to be stalking!
Congratulations to the worthy winner, and to everyone who submitted entries. We really enjoyed reading them.